How to reconnect when suddenly single at age 50, because of divorce or widowhood?

October 7, 2011

When “suddenly single” most men and women have been out of the dating game for some time. They often feel awkward, stymied or fearful when it comes to start looking for companionship again. Here’s my re-entry advice:

When “suddenly single” most men and women have been out of the dating game for some time. They often feel awkward, stymied or fearful when it comes to start looking for companionship again. Here’s my re-entry advice:

l) First, find balance within you. Whatever the reason for your sudden singleness, you need to deal with grief, anger, and find your equilibrium before you’re emotionally able to turn outwards. Time and talking will help. Sometimes a little therapy is best. That said, do not lock yourself off from life. Instead be active. Share with friends, pals and family. Don’t be shy to ask for help, even people you haven’t seen in ions respond when you ask to be included. You’ll know when you feel strong enough to venture out again beyond your intimate circle. 

2) Accept that life will never be what it was. The opportunity is to create a new, exciting life. Expand the boundaries of what you know and who you know. You are the main participant, an interesting, alive person. The more you exude life and energy, the more others want into your life. Try something you’ve always been passionate about but couldn’t pursue; photography, swing dancing, maybe a writing course. Join a non-for-profit organization in medicine, the arts or education. Your contributions are appreciated while you’re making new connections. Now is your time to open up, explore and try the unexpected.

3) Push the single connection. Singles know singles. It’s a numbers game. The more people you meet, the greater your chances to find a new friend or new love. Explore single weekends, hiking groups, singles that like horseback riding or a thousand other things. You’ll find them through singles or community newspapers, single clubs and the Internet. Give a singles party. Every man brings a great lady that is not his romantic interest and vice versa. The girls are responsible for appetizers and main course, the guys bring wine or other drinkables and something chocolate. There is no man without a sweet tooth? It’s an easy and fun way to meet and get going. Be an initiator. Get a group together for a movie or a scrabble night. Assemble your slightly overweight friends and plan a communal meltdown. Weigh-in weekly, discuss what works, feel good about yourself. Remember, walking, swimming, tennis, all physical exercise improves your appearance and frees your inner energy, including sexual energy.

4)Ready for dating? Think of it as an experience and don’t take it too seriously even if some dates turn out to be duds. Dates are like movies; some have potential, some end in friendship rather than romance, some are awful but give you something to laugh about. Enjoy the encounter and low-key the expectations, then dating can be enjoyable. Eventually one feels right. If so, explore. Don’t rush things because you feel lonely or needy. Take time to know a person and focus on what you want. Then be guided by your heart and enjoy the discovery. Singleness is not an interim state between togetherness. It’s a great time to reconnect with yourself and reconsider your future.

Jacqui

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