Rekindling Romance at Mid-Life

October 7, 2011

All week, you would plan what to wear and think of how it was going to be. Your heart beat with excitement as you thought of what might happen that night... The day of the date arrived, you took special care with your hygiene. You placed perfume behind your knees, etc. made sure you wore your prettiest and cleanest lingerie, and you were ready.. So, was he, as he too planned for this special night. "Pleasurable Anticipation"

Remember, how you looked forward to your Saturday night date?

All week, you would plan what to wear and think of how it was going to be. Your heart beat with excitement as you thought of what might happen that night... The day of the date arrived, you took special care with your hygiene. You placed perfume behind your knees, etc. made sure you wore your prettiest and cleanest lingerie, and you were ready.. So, was he, as he too planned for this special night. "Pleasurable Anticipation"

Then after marriage, your romantic life remained vibrant as you planned quiet dinner alone, and weekends away. Life was wonderful.. Children came and again you planned your sexual life. You communicated when the kids would visit grandma, and knew that was your time, for romance.

As, children grew older and more time demands were required of both of you, (two careers, households to run, soccer moms and dads,) there was little time for romantic interludes. No energy. He reaches for you, you're too tired. You reach for him, he's too tired. Slowly, after a while, no one is reaching.. Now, your wearing socks or mismatch pajamas to bed

Children grow up and leave for college or pursue their own lives. Finally, there is time for romance, whenever and where ever you desire. BUT ... BUT ..... We have stopped communicating this need to each other.. Couples who've been together for some years may have lost excitement in their sex life. The Magic is lost since the pattern has not changed for years. First he touches me here, and I know where and what will occur next. Others may feel "too old" for passion.

Many women are experiencing menopausal symptoms-- hot flashes, night sweat and uncomfortable vaginal dryness. Many men are dealing with performance issues, or feel they don't want to hurt their partner with painful intercourse. A lot of these issues are not discussed... Hence, the flame flickers.... Rekindle that flame!!!

There are many ways to rekindle romance. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Let your mate know they are attractive and desirable. Tell him/her... There are two very important words, the we all like to hear "I love you!". Give him a big hug, for just being him. Hugging is necessary for our physical and mental well-being, and it feels good!!!
  • Flirt with your partner, leave loving notes or bring home small gifts that reflect your affection.
  • Know what is important to your mate. Maybe, it's just having coffee with him in the morning, fixing a favorite meal, or going for a walk and holding his hand.
  • Keep in mind, that despite the receding hair line and added years, he is still the man you fell in love with. So, tell him...Remember all the reasons you did find him desirable.
  • Plan an affair with him...Tell him, that you think, Friday, (any night you choose) would be a great night for spending time for a massage. A massage is not only an excellent way to relax, it also allows you to focus on your partner's arousal responses. Bubble bath, shoulder massage or just cuddling with him sets the scene for romance.. Remember the power of touch is important in our lives and never diminishes, even in our 90's.
  • Watch a romantic movie together or spend the night in a local hotel. Let your partner know that you are planning a romantic evening or afternoon with him, as plans can go awry if your timing is bad. Do not set out to make love, because this may put pressure on your partner.
  • Candles, lots of candles, aromatherapy, oils, music all help to set the mood. How about a getaway weekend? Now, that you have set the mood, it is now time to prepare yourself. If vaginal dryness and painful intercourse are the problem, try using lubrication such as Astroglide®, which is available over the counter.. Note, when using a lubrication, apply not only to yourself, but to the penis as part of foreplay. He may want this time to prepare. Talk to his doctor about new enhancing medication for premature ejaculation or for maintaining erection.
  • Know what turns you on, and tell your partner. If you are not able to tell your partner how and where you liked to be touched, you should ask yourself why you cannot share this and try to be more open. Playfulness can help you touch the truth lightly.
  • Cultivate playfulness in your lovemaking. Experiment and surprise one other in your foreplay. DO NOT MAKE WORK, OUT OF WHAT SHOULD BE ENJOYABLE.

We, all like to believe that romance should just be spontaneous, but like everything else in life, you get out of it what you put into it..

We plan dinner parties, and other activities. Why not plan your romantic encounters??? No planning, = no energy, no passion, no magic no romance!

The brain is the largest sexual component of our body.. It all starts there... Be realistic. Couples in mid-age can not have the same kind of active sex life as they did in their early twenties. We need more upper persuasion before lower invasion. We can have deeper emotional and fulfilling sex lives and can be as romantic as we were in our twenties.

Being mid-age does not repress our emotional need for intimacy, arousal, and sexual pleasures. So, let's forget about locking the bedroom door. Put on soft music and slowly explore the forms of intimacy we have neglected while rushing through to mid-life chores. We deserve this pleasure....Romance does not always have to lead to sexual intercourse. Cuddling, petting and other forms of intimacy can be very satisfying for some. Clear and specific communication is vital to a rich sex life.

Other suggestions:

  • If you suffer from low libido, talk to your health care provider about hormones that contain androgens testosterone as well as estrogens such as Estratest.
  • Estrogen therapy will prevent and reverse the atrophic vaginal changes of menopause
  • Vaginal creams aid in lubrication of the vagina..
  • Remember, antidepressants, alcohol, heart disease and high blood pressure medications even antihistamines may lower sexual arousal. Ask your health care provider about alternatives.
  • Sarsaparilla is an herb that stimulates the production of testosterone and helps flagging libido. Damiana (Turnera diffusa) is a great herb as it is an aphrodisiac. Do not use too frequently however as it may irritate the lining of the urinary tract.
  • Peppermint oil, placed on the clitoris, during foreplay increases stimulation.

REKINDLING ROMANCE WILL ADD YEARS TO YOUR LIFE, AND LIFE TO YOUR YEARS...

References:

OBGYN.net © 1999 Judith A. Norris, Ob-Gyn, RNP, OBGYN.net Editorial Advisor